I pray daily that my son will begin to love school again. Depression stole the joy he had in every way, but especially in school. Before the depression crept its way into his life, he was always a great student, always there on time with all his supplies and homework done. Worry would creep in for him if he didn’t have everything finished, papers ready and done well.
And then suddenly, everything changed.
Missing work, incomplete work, not picking up necessary supplies or papers, not looking at his planner. And the worst part was the apathy—the complete lack of care for school. Our responsible boy became aloof, distracted, and uncaring.
“What can they do to me?” was his mantra.
And once kids figure that out—that parents and teachers do not have some magical power over them, that we can only take things away or punish—if they do not care about the consequences, all is lost. Because there really is nothing we can do. If a child does not care about losing precious items, being grounded, going to detention, etc., the options for parents and teachers dwindle.
There is so much fear for parents and teachers when this happens, as it can also spread to a lack of fear for legal consequences. This ramping up of apathy—the total disregard for everything that is around, even for their own body, can become a parent’s nightmare. Often there has to be a big event that either changes the child or changes the situation. It is the prevention of that big event that must become paramount for the parent.
Apathy and a lack of care for school is a huge sign that your child needs help. Treat this with the respect it deserves and do not delay:
Go to the pediatrician
Find a therapist
Go to the school counselor
Make an appointment with an administrator at the school
You may not have time to do these things later if it is not treated as a priority. If, in the end, he or she simply learns some coping strategies and has someone to talk to, that is a win. Even if you can convince yourself that your child is “not really there”, meaning that you have decided that they do not need help, still reach out to professionals and let them decide if your intuition is true. Just the fact that you are noticing this lack of care for school and having to convince yourself that it’s alright, means that your child may need help. Act as if you are in a crisis, because you actually may be in one.
