We were thrust into the mental health and mental illness world in March of 2020 when our son attempted suicide. There were many factors that led to the crisis that we had to face, but we ended up in ICU with him for four days. During that time, people would bring around baggies of goodies, water bottles, and other things they thought we might enjoy. While those things were wonderful and really did make us feel a little momentary lift when they were brought to us, what we really needed was some sort of guide on “what’s next”. I had many, many hours sitting by my son’s bedside (my husband and I could not be in the ICU together due to COVID-19 restrictions, so we had to switch off), and while I sat there I searched for resources for families. I was looking for someone who had some practical experience in the mental health world and someone who could offer support. Finding very few resources for families, I decided to write one for other families in their time of need. It is called The Path to Joy: 29 Family Strategies for Coping with Mental Illness and finding JOY again and can be found at: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=the+path+to+joy&ref=nb_sb_noss_2
It is a short book of 175 pages, with only four chapters. The first chapter is about Our Story and all the events leading up to his suicide attempt. Chapter 2 is all about the Stigma and Mental Illness in general. If you are going to skip a chapter, this would be the one, but I highly recommend at least reading the part about Stigma, as the Stigma around mental illness slows many of us down from getting the help we need because we are hiding it. Chapter 3 is the 29 Strategies—each one on a new page. They are all listed in the Table of Contents so that families can flip quickly to each one. I wanted it to be an easy read and easy to find the Coping Strategies. Many are practical, like Insurance and School; others are about the family like Team Family and Putting Priorities in Order; and still others are spiritual like making a Prayer Sheet or Texting Prayer Partners. There is a heavy emphasis on Journaling in order to keep track of all the mental illness issues as well as have a place to process what is happening in the home. So chapter 3 is a long one–from pages 29-148, as that is where the Coping Skills and Strategies live. Chapter 4 is Final Thoughts and Resources.
I wrote the book for all the family members that will sit and wait in the hospital. They are waiting by the bedside to find out if their loved one with mental illness is going to survive or how they are going to come out of the coma, the overdose, the pain they are in. Will they be the same person they were before the depression or anxiety or bi-polar or other mental illness took control? I can see those families sitting there in their pain and I feel their pain–the deep, deep pain that doesn’t have a name. I see her sitting there crying or him standing with his head in his hands. It feels like the bottom of the pit. I want them to have this book handed to them while they sit there, lost, so they can start to rebuild and think of life outside the hospital and how that’s going to be. We are donating copies to hospitals in our area and I hope that soon others will join us to get copies into every hospital (if you do donate one or two to a hospital, please go to my website at chanencross.com and tell me the city/state, as I’m keeping track on a map). Families of loved ones with mental illness need support.
Another reason I wrote the book was for it to be a pretty little book that could be gifted to families when you don’t know what to say. I hope it will be something that says, “I’m thinking of you,” and will give the family real support and help—steps to take and work to do. Families need to have a starting point.
This book is about the hard work of moving on and being the caregiver that your loved one with mental illness needs. It is very empowering to have a plan. When a mental illness diagnosis comes into the home, it can feel as if everything known has been stripped away and weakness and fear have won. But once the “wallowing time” (there’s another blog and video about this) goes away, it is time to get empowered. Time to sit up, pick a strategy or two out of the book and get going. Our loved ones’ lives are depending on it! You have the power, take it back and fight for your family.
You’ve always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself. -Glenda, The Wizard of Oz
